Saturday, January 22, 2011

Profile: Some guy named Mike or Joey


Comes into the bar with a bottle of “$80 wine” under his coat (later revealed to be worth exactly $7.99). Claims to be the singer of the Dropkick Murphys. “Hey Neil I like you, really I don’t like you, you’re an asshole, I like you a lot.” Harasses trivia players. Says his tour bus is waiting around the corner. Says he just played Congress Theater that afternoon (further investigation will reveal that no such show took place). Licks me. Says his dead wife called him Joey. “Do you understand what I’m saying to you? I’m asking you for a cigarette.” “I beat every game I’ve ever played. I beat Dungeons and Dragons.” Claims to have paid a bartender’s rent for saving him from a heroin overdose 10 years ago. Everyone with long hair is a member of Local H, apparently. Tells racist jokes. Orders several rounds of redheaded sluts. Skips out on his tab. Refused re-entry.
Diagnosis: Bipolar I, Cheapskate, Batfuck, The Most Interesting Guy I Never Want to See Again


  1. Dont forget his twin that was in the tourbus with his credit card. And happily watching him puke his guts out in the parking lot.

  2. nice....met some ppl i'd like to forget while doing hair but i've never been licked.